I love you

I guess that is all i can say. He was the most incredible thing to ever happen to me and i am the dumb ass who let him go. I let him slip through my fingers. I cant let go. I dont want too. I love him i am madly in love with him and losing him again is the scariest thing.. What do i do): How do i show it. Everything i have shown him everything i have done is broken because of December. I want to fix it i want to be the girl that is always there to hold his hang when times are tough. I want to be the girl that runs up to him and gives him huge hugs and kisses. He is my world. Today we didnt talk at all and it was terrible I missed him so much He is the first thing i think about when i wake up and the last one i think about when i go to bed. I love his smile and his laugh. His freckles and curly hair he has amazing brown eyes that sparkle when i look into them. His kisses are indescribable i feel like i am kissing an angel. He makes me feel special and never lets me fall. He has never failed me nor hurt me well when we were together anyway… or intentionally. He makes me smile he is the only one who can do that when i am in tears. He helps me through everything and makes me want to be a better person. He helped me find myself and although i lost myself at one point i know i would never again, you know the saying you dont know what you have until it is gone i guess that is me. The dumb girl who has her fairytale her prince the guy every girl dreams of and i fuck it up. I never wanted to. I wanna be with him forever. I wanna love him and only him forever. I want to have my fairytale with him. He is my prince. I just want to be his princess again. I know i have hurt, i know i have decieved and lied and failed him. I promised so much and fucked up everything. I didnt mean to and i want to fix it cause i want him. I dont care how hard it is. I know nothing will be easy but i dont care because i love him and i only want him forever. I dont care about anyone else nobody is Scott Kaleo Rodrigues nobody else can be my prince. I know he doesnt think he is best and i dont know what else is going on in his mind but i do know that what we had was real and what i felt has always been real i never lied about the way i felt. I love him more than anyone will ever understand and i know you arent supposed to hurt someone you love and i wish i never did i wish i could go back into time and changed everything i ripped his heart out and fucked it up ).: I Do love him I really do I swear it i promise it. He is the only man who i can trust. for the past couple of years he has been there for me so much more than i could ever imagine. He still continues to be there he has never let me down. I love him. I promise to never do anything to him again I promise to be there whenever he needs me i promise not to decieve or lie. I promise to be nothing but honest because he deserves it he is such an incredible person. Whom i will love unconditionally for the rest of my life.. I dont know what else to say. Other than I am sorry. <3 

…

I feel like i am losing him all over again ),: I am empty and alone in the world. Like i am nothing. I have fought for 6 long months and i have not given up. I dont know how to feel anymore im broken</3 All i know is i love Scott Kaleo Rodrigues and thats all i can say. Maybe one day he will see. 

I have been blessed.

I cannot explain why God has been so good to me. Why he stays on my side through everything. He has blessed me so much in my life, and for me a person that has done so much wrong I cannot understand. He has answered my prayers so much. I have been given the most amazing man. Again, I love him more than I could ever explain. I was so horrible to him and I have been given another chance. Why? huh I have absolutely no idea. All I can say is when you love someone you do NOT give up. I never gave up on us and now I have him back. I know people say there is no such thing as a soul-mate but there is. Scott Kaleo Rodrigues is mine<3 Without him I don’t know where I would be. He makes me a better person. He makes me strive for better. I will keep his heart safe and I wont let him be hurt ever again. I will be there the way he has always been for me. I will show him everyday how grateful I am and how much I love him, how much he means too me. I will never let that go unsaid. He is truly my everything. I do not want to spend my life with anyone else. You know when God brings your love back into your life you never let them go again. You give them 120% everyday. No matter how hard things can get. I promise to him I am not going anywhere. I will keep every promise I make to him. I will never give up on us because when you love someone this much you do not give up. Yes it will be hard but I do not care, all I have ever wanted was him. He treats me better than anyone ever could, he has been there for me more than anyone has, and I am pretty sure he knows me better than anyone ever could. I love everything about him. His freckles, his smile, his curly hair, his eyes, his lips. When I kiss him I feel magic. I know they say prince charming doesn’t exist, but I am pretty sure he does, I have him.(: I believe in fairytales because everyday with him, I am living one. Since the day I met him there was something special. I want him forever and i swear to be there. Until death do us part and even in death they wont break us apart. <3 He has an amazing heart, and I will take care of it. Forever <3 Nobody will compare to him, nobody will ever be able to make me smile the way he does. I have so much passion. Just hearing his voice makes my day. He is the reason I live, and well makeup :P but he is the main part. I will do everything to make him happy, smile and laugh. I love him and the whole world should know (: May 8th will always be our day. (: I love him forever and always <3 He is incredible and he is mine (:

Hope, faith and love

Every prayer that i had said, all of the talking that i have done. Not giving up, being persistent. Every ounce of hope that i had, The faith in my heart. Has finally payed off, Scott Will soon be mine. I will soon be his girl again. It will take a while to get used to everything, to know nothing will happen and we will be together. Me never giving up though has led us back together and that is all i ever wanted. I dont want anyone else. I dont care how many men in the world there are, none of the can compare to Scott Kaleo Rodrigues. I frankly dont care about them either. The day i met Scott i knew there was something special about him and there is. HE is an incredible person and i dont know how i have become so lucky in life to get him. I dont know if i deserve him. I love him though and i will never let him go again. I wont do anything to hurt him. I wont jeopardize what we could have. I hope we can get back to where we were. I am sure we can it will just take time, probably a lot of time. It is all worth it to me though. I love him more than words could explain. He is incredible and i couldnt imagine spending my life with a better person. He is everything i could ask for. I have my fairytale when i am with him. he makes me beyond happy and that wont go away not now not ever.  I love him more than i could ever love anything. I am really tired tho so i guess i am gonna go take a nap (: Sweet dreams.

I want one thing

Scott Kaleo Rodrigues<3 

Find me.

Today for the first time in a while i found myself. It wasn’t that hard i guess i have always known deep down who i am and what i want i have just never fought for it. I can fight for what i want just the way i fight for Scott. I feel like i have so much to live for and so much more to accomplish so why in the world am i sitting here wasting my precious time. Pointless?? I have so much life to live and i am done living it how everyone wants me too. I know who i am, i am the girl who will do anything to help you. who will catch you when you fall who is a a shoulder to cry on. someone who always loves to listen and help with. I love with all of my heart and i wont push people the way i used to. I may have been broken but i am not anymore. I know what i like and don’t like. I think all of the time and i am almost always in deep thought. I love God, I love Church. I don’t like drinking smoking nor drugs. I don’t want to surround my self with idiocy. I love to read and learn new things. I am a hopeless romantic. I love the beach its my place to think. I love being in front of a person with a row of endless makeup brushes. Doing someones hair. oh and i love to cook. I know what i want in life and i cant just sit here anymore. I have to do something i have to be me because i need to be the best me i can be. I am done letting people influence me because i am a leader not a follower in any sense. I am not that dumb young girl anymore. I have my whole life ahead of me and i will be everything i can be. (: There is one thing missing tho Scott. Just because i want him i am not broken nor weak. I love him with every ounce of my being. I hurt him so deeply and i will never be able to conceal what i did. I can however be there and be everything he deserves. I have changed and i know what i want and who i am. I am content and happy with the direction i am taking. I just would love if Scott Kaleo Rodrigues was by my side as he always has been. I hope he can look past December and we can look at all of the amazing times because there are so many and right now there hidding behind all of the pain i have cause and im Sorry from the absolute bottom of my heart. I will never be that Ty, nor was that me. I was lost, confused. Instead of holding on to something so incredible i let go because i was not thinking correctly. I know everything with Scott wont be a cake walk. Never expected it too. I hope this weekend is incredible and we can try and have an incredible time. I can show him the Ty he remember and not the one who left him empty and broken hearted. Scott and i have just begun living our lives and i would love to take this journey together. Maybe naive to say this but possibly forever.<3

Today.

Was great! I went to a cosmetology school and i am so excited it is gonna be amazing!:D I am so excited! Not happy i have to touch feet tho that is so disgusting but in order to get my certificate i have too and it is worth it lol. I think i am going to go play with make up soon too, or watch youtube videos after i write this. Anyways so Scott is coming here this weekend! So crazy, right? I have massive amounts of butterflies like i feel sick i am so nervous to see him but it is a good thing. I hope this weekend goes amazingly because i dont want him to leave knowing i wont see him again): or that we wont be together. I really hope that i can show him Ty the Ty i always was who cared and loved him the way he used to love me. Or still loves me i really dont know how he feels then again neither does he unfortunately ): This weekend should change that tho. I pray to God, Anyways. He means everything to me! So there is something i have to say. Well how i feel whether she ment it this way or whatever. So rachel my dads girlfriend wrote scott and said all this stuff and although some of it may be true i felt like she told scott i wasnt good enough for him and it really hurt. She has no idea how i feel and i am so tired of people putting there two cents into everything. Especially her, she barely knows me and she has never really been there so i dont get how she can tell me all of this stuff about me. I have done a lot since being out of my parents house. I have proven i am not a failure and yet it still isnt good enough. I dont know if i will ever be good enough for anyone. I am trying so hard and i feel like no matter what i do it isnt good enought, will it ever be? ughy.. I could go on all day and i want to go watch makeup videos so i am going too go do that. So yeah (:

My life would suck without you.